Kelsey-Land: January 2005

Kelsey-Land

1.31.2005

The Tree of God

When Jesus says that he is the vine and we are in the branches, the pastor said, "Imagine a big tree, the tree of God." At first I imaginined a tree that had an Ansel Adams type quality. The pastor's sermon was about "how DEEP how RED how THICK how MULTIETHNIC is the BLOOD of JESUS." (He was one of those pastors who kinda has one of those sing-song preacher voices) We started looking at the lineage of Jesus (it's in Matthew). He went through all the nations the lineage represented (Egypt, Pakastan, Iraq, Europe...) then he talked about the kind of people who were in the line (the priveleged, the outcasts, the second-class citizens). The tree of God grew in my mind. The tree of God is bigger than my mind can imagine. Studying the lineage of Jesus seemed boring to me, but actually it made God huge, and it made the world smaller. God is not for white people, God is for all people, God is not for the priveleged people, God is for all people. That's one HUGE God.

¶ 8:03 AM 0 comments

1.29.2005

I'm in Chicago!

The Covenant Church, which is the denomination I work with, has a conference every year where youth workers & pastors from all over the country get together. I got to go! It's cold in Chicago, especially considering that I've been in flip flops this past week. Tonight we ate at this rad cajon resturant where the whole wall was covered with shelves of tabasco sause. My mouth was on FIRE! Yikes! Today on the plane I started reading Don Miller's "Blue Like Jazz," and I can tell you that you're gonna want to read it.

¶ 9:10 PM 0 comments

1.26.2005

Ed and Edwena

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My two favorite bears

I'd like to introduce you to Ed and Edwena. They are brother and sister, Edwena is older by a year and taller. You can tell Edwena by her pointy nose and rip under in right arm. They are my favorite bears. They have been drooled on, used as ammunition, thrown down the hall, squished and severley loved. I've had these bears since elementary school and they've been everywhere - to camp, to sleepovers, to college and now here in Santa Barbara. They will always have a place on my bed and a soft squish under my head!

¶ 9:54 PM 2 comments

1.25.2005

Furry alien poofball antena

Today I hung out with a great kid. We walked around the mall together and ended up in Claires. Sixth grade girls love that store - and what's not to love? Dangly earing galore! Not to metion sweet headbands and huge fake flower pins. So together we got matching headbands. Ok, but this wasn't your typical head band. Mine was bright purple and hers was pink. Each comes with two, spring loaded, hair-like poofballs attached - giving the look of alien antenas, but sillier. We wore our matching headbands around the mall together and through small groups. I smiled at onlookers, welcomed parents, and tried to give the impression that although I AM wearing a purple alien puffball headband, I'm responsible enough to handle youth group!

¶ 10:53 PM 0 comments

1.22.2005

Wandering Thoughts

Today I was at a training event almost all day (9AM-7PM). It was a great meeting - great people, great information, great time with God. After a day like today, I feel stuffed full of information and I am encrouaged to keep running the good race. Something almost magical happens when those who love God gather together. I felt a feeling of safety and rest, yet was challenged and stretched. Now after this huge day, this collasal day of digesting input and pondering God's massive love, my mind goes to one verse. "Search me of God and know my heart, test my and know my anxious thoughts, see if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way ever lasting." It might not even apply. But it is a verse that I've memorized lately, and it pops into my head often. I remember that God knows me. And that in itself is enough for right this second.

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1.21.2005

One reason I love Santa Barbara

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This is what happens when you let a 7th grade girl do your makeup and a 4th grade boy do your hair. Thank-you Jenny & Matthew!

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1.19.2005

Butt Mind

I'm reading a book by Anne Lamott called "Traveling Mercies" where she writes about state of thinking she calls "Butt Mind." In this state of thinking, she compares her butt with every other butt she sees trying to decide if hers is better or worse. "Sometimes my butt was better-than, although it is definietly the butt of a mother who keeps forgetting to work out. Mostly it was worse-than." (p.199)

I've been there. On the days when I'm further from God, my own sort or Butt Mind creeps into my thinking. Self-degrading thoughts where I keep mentally abusing myself. Then I have to remember that I'm God's beloved. I have to cling to God's love because on Butt Mind days, it is my only hope.

¶ 11:13 PM 2 comments

1.17.2005

This is my family. Dad (always working on a new project), Me, Doug (engineer student), Thomas (rock star dummer), Mom (Jr. High principal), Scott (learning how to drive).

¶ 9:51 PM 2 comments

Christian Lingo

Lately I've noticed that Christians have their own set of words that they use. I've been keeping track of it lately and here are the ones I've noticed: Come along side of, Walking with, Tracking with, Flesh things out, Spiritual journey, Spiritual path, Loving on someone, Partner with, Struggling with.

¶ 9:43 PM 0 comments

1.16.2005

Salvation Through Doing

There is a song that sometimes gets in my head and I imagine that it's God singing it to me. You might have heard it before - "What have you done for me lately, dunt dun du dunt dunt, ooo-o-o-ooo-yea." I think it's a song from the late 80s/early 90s. The point is that I feel like I'm not doing enough for God. With my job, working with students that are from 5th -8th grade, I sometimes feel like I'm always supposed to be doing more. Sometimes I get this feeling from my boss(es), who are giving me helpful ideas & suggestions, but instead feel more like demands. Or sometimes I feel like I have to do more based on what a leader has said to me - suggestions that they are making for the ministry, which feel urgent. Or sometimes parents will ask questions about how much time is being spent on some ministries but not others - making me feel like I'm not doing enough for each ministry I'm involved in. Then, in the back of my mind I hear music, "What have you done for me lately?" What have I done? What have I done!?! All day I've being doing, and going! What more am I supposed to do! It's like I'm trying to EARN something by doing so much. I'm trying to earn the respect of my bosses, trying to earn the approval from my leaders, trying to earn the praise from the parents, and in a way, trying to earn my salvation from God. Oh! How wrong this all is!! I CANNOT earn salvation!! But my mind is living in such a way that I'm trying to earn my salvation through doing all of these things. I feel like American culture is so wrapped up in what we do. One of the first questions we ask when we meet someone is "What do you do?" If it's a friend you know, you might ask, "What did you do today?" When the truth, the truth that I find from God, is that God wants our hearts, our motives, our spirits, our souls. Its not so much about what you DO, but who you ARE. Who are you, not what are you doing. I'm just thinking this through in my mind, thinking about my own motives for the things I do. My intentions are mostly good in the things I do, but I put too much of my own self worth on what I'm doing and not who I am.

¶ 10:15 PM 0 comments

1.15.2005

Chocolate stains

One of the punishments for eating so much chocolate is that I sometimes get stains on my clothes. Any suggestions for getting them out? (Andew said I should post something every day and I'm having a hard time thinking of something today)

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1.14.2005

Online Dating

I'm very curious about online dating. I was so curious that I even checked out a few sites. I looked at E-Harmony first, and even went so far as to fill out their entire survey. Which, by the way, helped me learn a lot about myself. I got to the point where you had to pay, and discovered that it was $50 for one month! (Of course if you sign up for more months, the cost per month is less) Then I felt PATHETIC! I was actually considering "selling" myself on line! It puts a whole new spin on the phrase "I'm on the market." When you are doing online dating, it's like you're ACTUALLY a product for SALE on the market! Online dating has made "relationships" something that can be bought and sold! Maybe this has always been the case for dating - that is that dating seems to be a lot like trying on clothes at a store to see which outfit fits best. However, with online dating, this "buying & selling" becomes so much more obvious.

¶ 11:06 PM 2 comments

1.13.2005

Emotional chick singers

I LOVE LOVE LOVE chick singers! And I've found a new favorite. Charlotte Martin. Simply amazing. Another emotional chick I love is Mindy Smith. And then there's Keri Noble. If you want to listen to some rockin, soulful sistas pouring out their hearts through their music, these chicks are awesome.

¶ 10:18 PM 0 comments

1.08.2005

Fingernail Papercut

Today I got a paper cut underneath my fingernail. How I got it is irrelevant, but the fact that it's there is very REAL. It's just a very small papercut on a very tender piece of skin. How can something so small cause so much irritation? I never noticed how the skin underneath my fingernail felt until I got a cut there. I never gave that part of my body any credit until it gave me a problem. That skin underneath my fingernail is very important and serves a great purpose. I never fully appreciated that tender skin. How many other things are like that? How many other parts of my body, or of my life for that matter, am I taking for granted? I need to take time to appreciate the other 9 fingernails that are still in painless working order. I should be thankful that there are no rock in my shoes, that nothing is stuck in my eye and that none of my teeth are aching. I should also remember to be thankful that no one in my family is sick, that I have a car that works and that there are my people that love me.

¶ 1:49 AM 0 comments

1.02.2005

The underbelly of the Golden Gate Bridge

¶ 10:54 PM 1 comments

Here I am at the Exploratorium in San Fransisco in one of those cool perspective rooms

¶ 10:50 PM 1 comments

If I Were Man

I had this thought the other day. If I were a MAN, it would be so much easier to do ministry. It really would. I say this because then I wouldn't have to argue with other people about what women should do in ministry. I wouldn't have to worry about getting married (as much). I think more women would like to be a pastor's wife than there are men who want to be a pastor's husband. Also, it wouldn't be ASSUMED that because I'm working at a church as a woman that I'm the Secretary or in children's ministry! I feel like I have to push harder and fight more! And its discouraging! Sometimes I just want to say, "Fine! I give up, just sign me up for some 8-5 cubicle job!" Ministry is a sometimes thankless job, which doesn't pay well, which is sometimes lonely, and where i feel like i have to fight for respect! And yet, and YET, I like it - no I love it. But I'm afraid and I'm discouraged. I'm afraid to mess it all up - and I'm discouraged because it seems like such a hard path - with so many hurdles to overcome.

¶ 10:32 PM 1 comments

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