Kelsey-Land
10.24.2005
Burning out
I told staff today that I was burning out. They listened to me and helped me cut back on some things. It was a good day. I work at a good church. They care about my health in ministry. They listen and respond. They prayed for me. I'm thankful for the people I work with. I feel much better about life. I'm going for a run.
¶ 5:33 PM 0 comments 
10.22.2005
Faking It
Ok, I admit it. I faked it. I faked being happy. I do it all the time! I faked being friendly and I faked being interested in what people were talking about. I don't like this about myself-this whole faking it business. But it happens. Baby showers do it to everyone, and see, that's where I was today. I was at a baby shower that I didn't really want to be there. Today was the most perfect day for wearing pajamas and reading books and sipping tea all day. So I didn't want to go. Not to mention that I only knew two people - one being the host (who was happily running around keeping busy) and the other was the pregnant gal who the shower was for. And let's face it: Baby showers are Hell. OK OK, not that they are really that bad - but you get together a bunch of women, wearing their cute outfits, eating the delectable treats, talking about their shoes, commenting on their husbands, and ooohing and ahhhing over each new little unwrapped outfit --- it's more than I can handle!!! So what did I do? I faked it! You would too. You just can't be a raincloud at things like that. You have to put on your pastel sweaters and your sweet smile and just grin and bear it. If I ever have a shower, I'm going to make people wear their pajamas and we'll eat chocolate brownies and drink beer and just be ourselves. Although, I don't really like beer, it just sounded more authentic.
¶ 9:29 PM 0 comments
10.20.2005
The art of being
I strongly desire to learn the art of "being" instead of finding value in doing. This is a re-occuring theme in my life lately. How can I learn how to do this well while having many tasks that I need to accomplish for work?
For all 2 of you who read this, have you mastered the are of being, while living in a world of being defined by what we do? Oh God, help me change the way I think about myself! May my identity be in YOU and not in what I do. ¶ 11:36 PM 1 comments
For all 2 of you who read this, have you mastered the are of being, while living in a world of being defined by what we do? Oh God, help me change the way I think about myself! May my identity be in YOU and not in what I do. ¶ 11:36 PM 1 comments
10.17.2005
100 Women
Have you ever spent a weekend with 100 women? I have, just this weekend. Let me tell you, that's a lot of women. There were XX chromosomes everywhere! I can also tell you that women are a lot of fun! The best part was my small group. I specifically asked to be in a small group with no one that I knew really well because I wanted to get to know new people. It was fantastic. There were mothers, grandmothers, and single people and were could all identify with one another and laugh together. I really like talking with other women who have been through what I'm going through now. I also like to hear about what mothers worry about and how grandmothers spend their time. The lives that women lead are rich and diverse. I left the weekend glad to be a woman! But I also left feeling anxious to see my boyfriend.
By the way, I HATE COMPUTERS..ok, I don't really hate them, it's more that when they aren't working correctly, they can cause much stress. For example: Computers that crash, wiping out your hard drive, reloading your programs, and starting over. Now THAT is a new beginning! True story - happened to me on Friday.
Asking the hard questions. This weekend we were talking about forgiveness one night. One of the angles of the topic asked, "What areas do you need to forgive God?" (or something along those lines) It's not that I'm angry with God, but I find some things in this world very hard to understand. Like all the tragedy of people who have lost their lives recently. Every day almost it seems that another tragedy has struck - begging the question "Where is God?" My faith reassures me that God is Here, that God is in control, that all things work for good for those who love God, that God is mysterious, that God is good, that God is love.
¶ 7:48 PM 0 comments
By the way, I HATE COMPUTERS..ok, I don't really hate them, it's more that when they aren't working correctly, they can cause much stress. For example: Computers that crash, wiping out your hard drive, reloading your programs, and starting over. Now THAT is a new beginning! True story - happened to me on Friday.
Asking the hard questions. This weekend we were talking about forgiveness one night. One of the angles of the topic asked, "What areas do you need to forgive God?" (or something along those lines) It's not that I'm angry with God, but I find some things in this world very hard to understand. Like all the tragedy of people who have lost their lives recently. Every day almost it seems that another tragedy has struck - begging the question "Where is God?" My faith reassures me that God is Here, that God is in control, that all things work for good for those who love God, that God is mysterious, that God is good, that God is love.
¶ 7:48 PM 0 comments
10.12.2005
Crap
For some reason I've felt like crap all day. It's not that I'm sick, its that I'm in a bad mood. Here's what I think it is: Today was my day off and I'm just not good at taking breaks. My identity is really wrapped up in WHAT I DO and not WHO I AM. And I care more about WHAT I'M DOING for God instead of who I AM IN Christ.
¶ 8:23 PM 0 comments
10.11.2005
I keep forgetting to blog
It's hard to remember to blog when I'm so out of the habit of writing. I've thought of so many blog topics, but now they all evade my memory. All I can think about right now is the fight I just got into with my boyfriend. Yesterday we celebrated 6 months of dating (woo-pee!) and today we argue. This is kinda a big deal b/c we usually never fight. I was the inconsiderate one this time. I messed up. I feel crappy about it.
I was sitting on my couch yesterday and was thinking about what a crappy day I was having. I was thinking of everything that bothered me. Then it struck me that I am so incredibly selfish and self-centered. I wish I wasn't! I want to give up my life, take the path of downward mobility, serve with every ounce of my being, but somehow the thoughts always travel back to myself. Just last weekend I got so frusrated with some of the Jr. High kids because their worlds are so self-centered. There are a few kids (and just a few) that can really irk me by their "world revolves around me" attitudes. What's worse is that I have a hard time being compassionate because these are NOT the seeker kids, the new kids to faith, these are the kids who go to a Christian school and know all the right answers. I would call these the pharasee kids...they know about God is their heads, but they aren't letting Christ into their hearts to take control. Oh God give me patience! Give me discernment on how to know how to create an environment where Christ can transform their lives! However, sitting on the couch yesterday, I realized that I AM NO DIFFERENT. Too often the world revolves around me me me. I need you to take control of my life too.
Tonight at Club 56 we sang worship. It was great! The 5th & 6th graders were singing (or should I say, shouting!) at the top of their lungs! They were jumping around, running around and singing their hearts out. I loved every moment of it! And then, and then...we slowed things down a bit, and sang Here I am the Worship, and they sang that too. All of their voices together were so beautiful and sweet. ¶ 8:33 PM 0 comments
I was sitting on my couch yesterday and was thinking about what a crappy day I was having. I was thinking of everything that bothered me. Then it struck me that I am so incredibly selfish and self-centered. I wish I wasn't! I want to give up my life, take the path of downward mobility, serve with every ounce of my being, but somehow the thoughts always travel back to myself. Just last weekend I got so frusrated with some of the Jr. High kids because their worlds are so self-centered. There are a few kids (and just a few) that can really irk me by their "world revolves around me" attitudes. What's worse is that I have a hard time being compassionate because these are NOT the seeker kids, the new kids to faith, these are the kids who go to a Christian school and know all the right answers. I would call these the pharasee kids...they know about God is their heads, but they aren't letting Christ into their hearts to take control. Oh God give me patience! Give me discernment on how to know how to create an environment where Christ can transform their lives! However, sitting on the couch yesterday, I realized that I AM NO DIFFERENT. Too often the world revolves around me me me. I need you to take control of my life too.
Tonight at Club 56 we sang worship. It was great! The 5th & 6th graders were singing (or should I say, shouting!) at the top of their lungs! They were jumping around, running around and singing their hearts out. I loved every moment of it! And then, and then...we slowed things down a bit, and sang Here I am the Worship, and they sang that too. All of their voices together were so beautiful and sweet. ¶ 8:33 PM 0 comments
10.07.2005
Ok, I'm Back
Andrew's Blogger's lunch did one thing for me: inspired me to get back into blogging. I never thought the day would come. I had given it up, but I guess it wasn't a permanent rejection, just a slight vacation.
SO...I want to give credit to LILY (she's great!) for last night's trial run of Sacred Space. I'm always hesitant to say how things went...purely because the work that I want to get done is often unseen. It's work of the holy spirit. That kind of work is work that hopefully will revealed some time later, when we come face to face with our maker. Anyways, regarding last night, one thing I can say was that they took it seriously! We did some worship before they walked into the sacred space area, and I explained what we were doing. They went to each station and did what was explained. They were quiet, the responded, they prayed, they lighted candles, they wrote letters, they drew pictures. I was stoked that they actually did it! The feedback I got was that they thought it was "cool" (what more can I expect, they are Jr. High students) and they liked the bead station. The bead station was where they made a prayer bracelet with different colored beads each color representing a different area of prayer. Since watching the "Invisible Children" (note to self: get parent's permission ahead of time) I wanted to give them a chance to repsond to what they saw. All of the Sacred Space stations had an Africa theme. Our church supports missionaries in Africa so we wrote encouraging notes. I can't wait to send them to her! I hope you can tell from these ramblings that it went well. It's something that I definitely would do again, given the right circumstances.
PS I love Youth Ministry! ¶ 12:06 PM 1 comments
SO...I want to give credit to LILY (she's great!) for last night's trial run of Sacred Space. I'm always hesitant to say how things went...purely because the work that I want to get done is often unseen. It's work of the holy spirit. That kind of work is work that hopefully will revealed some time later, when we come face to face with our maker. Anyways, regarding last night, one thing I can say was that they took it seriously! We did some worship before they walked into the sacred space area, and I explained what we were doing. They went to each station and did what was explained. They were quiet, the responded, they prayed, they lighted candles, they wrote letters, they drew pictures. I was stoked that they actually did it! The feedback I got was that they thought it was "cool" (what more can I expect, they are Jr. High students) and they liked the bead station. The bead station was where they made a prayer bracelet with different colored beads each color representing a different area of prayer. Since watching the "Invisible Children" (note to self: get parent's permission ahead of time) I wanted to give them a chance to repsond to what they saw. All of the Sacred Space stations had an Africa theme. Our church supports missionaries in Africa so we wrote encouraging notes. I can't wait to send them to her! I hope you can tell from these ramblings that it went well. It's something that I definitely would do again, given the right circumstances.
PS I love Youth Ministry! ¶ 12:06 PM 1 comments
