10.11.2005
I keep forgetting to blog
It's hard to remember to blog when I'm so out of the habit of writing. I've thought of so many blog topics, but now they all evade my memory. All I can think about right now is the fight I just got into with my boyfriend. Yesterday we celebrated 6 months of dating (woo-pee!) and today we argue. This is kinda a big deal b/c we usually never fight. I was the inconsiderate one this time. I messed up. I feel crappy about it.
I was sitting on my couch yesterday and was thinking about what a crappy day I was having. I was thinking of everything that bothered me. Then it struck me that I am so incredibly selfish and self-centered. I wish I wasn't! I want to give up my life, take the path of downward mobility, serve with every ounce of my being, but somehow the thoughts always travel back to myself. Just last weekend I got so frusrated with some of the Jr. High kids because their worlds are so self-centered. There are a few kids (and just a few) that can really irk me by their "world revolves around me" attitudes. What's worse is that I have a hard time being compassionate because these are NOT the seeker kids, the new kids to faith, these are the kids who go to a Christian school and know all the right answers. I would call these the pharasee kids...they know about God is their heads, but they aren't letting Christ into their hearts to take control. Oh God give me patience! Give me discernment on how to know how to create an environment where Christ can transform their lives! However, sitting on the couch yesterday, I realized that I AM NO DIFFERENT. Too often the world revolves around me me me. I need you to take control of my life too.
Tonight at Club 56 we sang worship. It was great! The 5th & 6th graders were singing (or should I say, shouting!) at the top of their lungs! They were jumping around, running around and singing their hearts out. I loved every moment of it! And then, and then...we slowed things down a bit, and sang Here I am the Worship, and they sang that too. All of their voices together were so beautiful and sweet. ¶ 8:33 PM
I was sitting on my couch yesterday and was thinking about what a crappy day I was having. I was thinking of everything that bothered me. Then it struck me that I am so incredibly selfish and self-centered. I wish I wasn't! I want to give up my life, take the path of downward mobility, serve with every ounce of my being, but somehow the thoughts always travel back to myself. Just last weekend I got so frusrated with some of the Jr. High kids because their worlds are so self-centered. There are a few kids (and just a few) that can really irk me by their "world revolves around me" attitudes. What's worse is that I have a hard time being compassionate because these are NOT the seeker kids, the new kids to faith, these are the kids who go to a Christian school and know all the right answers. I would call these the pharasee kids...they know about God is their heads, but they aren't letting Christ into their hearts to take control. Oh God give me patience! Give me discernment on how to know how to create an environment where Christ can transform their lives! However, sitting on the couch yesterday, I realized that I AM NO DIFFERENT. Too often the world revolves around me me me. I need you to take control of my life too.
Tonight at Club 56 we sang worship. It was great! The 5th & 6th graders were singing (or should I say, shouting!) at the top of their lungs! They were jumping around, running around and singing their hearts out. I loved every moment of it! And then, and then...we slowed things down a bit, and sang Here I am the Worship, and they sang that too. All of their voices together were so beautiful and sweet. ¶ 8:33 PM
